The freddy comedy show
by eoinio11
Summary: MADE THIS FOR A LAUGH NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE
1. Chapter 1

**The Freddy Comedian show: THE FIRE**

 **THIS IS FROM TOMMY TIERNANS LIVE AT THE APOLLOW SKIT WITH A FEW EDITS**

 **...Freddy:** I had this friend for 20 or odd years and his name was bonnie he was so stupid he was a bless to be around "all right freddy all right" heroine could have sharpened him up. Anyway around the late 80s we were in this pizzeria and once every week since this was expeiremental technology we would have a fire drill and we would be rushed outside at around 2 o clock in the morning being chased by the puppet. The naive of it now if i think about sometimes he would chase out to the woods" go on into the woods into the woods for safety" so one morning the fire drill goes of and everybody is up and running out of the pizzeria except for bonnie who thinks its the morning bell so he goes and gets ready to get the nightgaurd. The puppet is counting us up and theres one fella missing this is not good in a real emergency this is a disaster so Bonnie is hauled up in this midnight court and he never seen a scene like it in his life all his friends outside in the pouring rain and the puppet is there"WHERE WERE YA BONNIE WHERE WERE YA?" and before Bonnie could answer the puppet goes "I TELL YA WHERE YOU WERE WILL I TELL YA YOU WERE BURNING TO DEATH IN THE FIRE" Bonnies looking around "what what?" "THATS RIGHT YOUR DEAD YOUR DEAD NOW I AM SUPPOSED TO PHONE YOUR MOTHER AND TELL HER YOU DIED IN THE FIRE!" it all gets to Bonnie "NOOOOO ILL TELL HER. ITS BETTER COMING FROM ME SHE THINKS YOUR A PRICK ANYWAY" Thank you and goodnight


	2. Chapter 2

**The Freddy Comedy show: bb**

 **THIS IS TAKEN FROM RUSSELL HOWARDS STAND UP CENTRAL WITH A FEW EDITS**

 **...**

Freddy: we all drifted into them moments of awkwardness I had a friend in the old place who was a boy and that sounds very creepy but hes wonderful hes called balloon boy and whenever he sees me hes like "Freddy" and I go like "hey bb hows it going" we have alittle hug and toy chica goes like how are you and im like im good and its a tiny bit of lovelyness I had in my life now the other day I went to fazbears fright to look at the place and I walk in and I see Balloon Boy. I am feeling the same tension you are now because I can see this horrible future where hes like "FREDDY" and im like "BB" and toy chica is like "WHAT THE FUCK!" and im like "NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IVE JUST BEEN TO THE DENTIST I AM NOT A BAD PERSON!" so I do what every other person does when they see bb I went over the mexican border and waited there until he left the place. An old animatronic hiding at the mexican border not to break a toy animatronics heart thinking"DONT BE CAUGHT DONT BE CAUGHT DONT BE CAUGHT!" imagine a police "WHAT THE HELL IS A ROBOT DOING AT THE MEXICAN BORDER!?" "trust me officer. I need to stay here bad things will happen if I leave"

 **I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANY MEXICANS OR AMERICANS OR BB FANS**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Freddy Comedy show pt 3: the spring hunter**

 **This is from Gabriel Iglesias Hot and fluffy comedy series with a few edits**

 **...**

Freddy: A few years ago Spring bonnie got discountinued and I give him alot of love and credit but everyone else is like "He was such a loss for the fazbear community you know he taught us alot about the animatronics" and I got mad at this lady on the tv that said he taught us alot about the animatronics and I was like no he didnt really teach us alot about the animatronics if you want to learn about the animatronics you look it up on the internet or go see them in person spring bonnie no come on every episode "HEY how you doin. look over there right there theres a foxy. that foxy costs 1000 pounds and it can kill a man in 10 seconds... im going to touch it...hi foxy" "screeech" "AHH ITS ANGRY ITS ANGRY" next episode "hey thats a fredbear the most vicious animatronic of all one bite and im dead...im gonna pick it up" "sssssss" "HES ANGRY!" if he really wanted people to think he was out there the american police shouldve borrowed him and sent him to the killers location with no guns just a camera crew imagine how bad that would freak out the killer you know hes just chilling there like "now i need to plan out my attack quickly before the police gets on to me... wait what the hell" and spring bonnie walking towards him out doors " how did you get out"

"CRIKEY"

"what the hell to you mean crikey"

and hes walking up to him like

"HEY look over there thats the wild purple guy the killer one of the most dangerous species on the planet on jap from his tazzer and im dead...im gonna poke it with a stick

*purple guy fires a gun*

"HES ANGRY!"


	4. Chapter 4

**The Freddy Comedy show : two jokes in one chapter**

 **THESE ARE ABOUT TAKEN FROM RUSSELL HOWARDS GOOD NEWS SEASON 10 WITH A FEW EDITS**

 **...**

Freddy: did you hear what happened to toy freddy while making his fnaf 4 documentry well i'll tell you "while filming a fnaf 4 documentry Nightmare Fredbear stole all the wine that Toy freddy had stored" how brilliant is that imagine Toy Freddy "here we have the nightmare fredbear rocked of his springs on Basale piggybanks on nightmare bonnie grabbing his ears shouting "OH OH LOOK AT ME IM RIDING A SPACE HOPPER" " oh do you think toy freddy will get his own back next game, fnaf worlds intro opens up and you just see toy freddy burning nightmare fredbear with a lighter going like

"mmmm yea... mmmmm this is what happens when you take from daddys stache"

I love this story so much we actually have footage of him making his getaway

The footage shows nightmare fredbear dragging his head across the ground walking

There he goes

Oh he was worse the next night

A picture shows Nightmare fredbears head out a broken window

...

Freddy: anyway did you hear about toy chica and the sniffer dog

"Sniffer dog makes beeline for toy chica"

Imagine toy chica "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT BON BON THEYRE AFTER THE GANGE! FLUSH THE DUST BON BON FLUSH THE DUST!"

so did she get detained no rubys search proved fruitless

"You got nothing on me dog...bon bon ate it on the way"

Toy bonnies face is gone

"I'MMMMMM MELTING"

...

MAKE SURE YOU GO CHECK OUT RUSSELL HOWARD HE IS A COMEDIAN LEGEND


	5. Chapter 5

**The Freddy Comedy show: Why I am here**

Freddy: sometimes I wonder why I am here but I have a theory. I bet god and the devil had a bet to see if a child would still keep the faith even if he went through a bunch of shite. And everything was going fine until god sent a killer after me and that was the last straw. One night I started Having a rant and I'll tell you it was the weirdest night I ever had. I started my rambling like "GOD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? YOU KILL MY FATHER AND MY BROTHER AND NOW YOU SENT A KILLER AND IM TRAPPED IN A ROBOT SUIT I BET YOUR HAVING A GOOD LAUGH UP THERE I BET YOU ARE! I WAS RAISED TO RESPECT YOU BUT NOW I KNOW YOU JUST ARE A FUCKING HALFWIT WITH ALL THE POWER OF THE WORLD. HOW AM I GOING TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND MOTHER AGAIN GOD HA YOU LOST YOUR BET HOW MUCH WAS IT 10 20 DOLLARS YOU LOST YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU!FUCK YOU!"

And then a booming voice then said to me "NO…..FUCK YOU"

….


End file.
